‘I’m a sucker for messy hair and tight girl pants.’
‘I didn’t mean that in a slutty way at all, although I don’t know how anyone could possibly take anything I say in a slutty way.’
‘I am writing my own ending.’
‘My heart is racing. In a good way.’
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These are just a few of the Tweets that have landed on my Twitter homepage in the past couple of days. Personally, the idea of broadcasting my sexual fetishes/depressive ramblings/thoughts about love on a social networking site where I only actually know one of the people I’m following seems both incredibly weird and more than a little bit terrifying. Even updating my Facebook status gives me the heebie-jeebies; how much to say? Will people think less of me if my status says ‘Scarlett de Courcier is having a bad day and wants to go back to bed’?
Perhaps other people just aren’t as uptight as I am; perhaps they revel in sharing their thoughts, feelings and reflections with the world. But why? It puzzles me, but here are a few possible explanations:
Lack of ‘real’ communication
In a culture of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and LinkedIn, fewer people are actually communicating face-to-face or over the telephone. In days gone by, going to visit people was a big deal; saddling up a horse and riding across country to see them meant you actually had to care. Considering that at least 5% of my Facebook friends are people I rarely think about, this doesn’t seem to be the case so much these days. Calling people up on the phone has been replaced by texting; a shortened, less direct method of communication. Now when my phone rings, I experience a slight frisson of terror, hoping I’ll be able to communicate properly with the person on the other end when I have to think on the spot.
Social networking has taken over from social life
It’s happened to us all: you receive an event notification on Facebook, click ‘yes’, and then don’t turn up. It doesn’t matter, you reason, because it’s only on Facebook anyway. Instead, you’ll stay at home tucked up in a duvet, watching videos on YouTube. Work has been made so portable that there is now no escaping from it, especially if you work in the digital industry. Smartphones mean emails buzz constantly through your dreamscape all night; clients are used to having a personal mobile phone number to be able to reach you at any hour (and some use it!); bosses expect employees to be on call 24/7. And why wouldn’t they be? They’re probably on Facebook anyway.
Sharing intimate details with strangers is the norm
Forums fascinate me. The fact that you can log on and talk to people you have no real connection to about all different topics seems very weird; yet these are communities in themselves, and communities by definition build a social culture; a culture of trust. The village mentality has gone global, and it’s amazing how strong the pull can be to start divulging your innermost secrets when someone you’ve never met from the other side of the globe has done the same. The temptation to scream in capitals: “OMG! ME TOO!” can be overwhelming. It’s like group therapy, but without a concrete group, and without the therapist. Good? Bad? I’m undecided; and probably, it’s a bit of both. But the fact that places like Facebook and Twitter have allowed us to connect with people we both know and don’t know has led to a similar life-sharing experience as forums did for specific communities. Now, it’s not unusual to broadcast what you had for breakfast on Twitter; to have a public status argument on Facebook; to tell everyone your cat has just eaten your canary. It seems to have naturally progressed through recent years; from close-knit communities developed rambling cities; from rambling cities developed means of communication with people elsewhere; from these means of communication developed the internet; and through this we have arrived at a strange mixture of a simultaneously open and closed society, in which everything is shared and yet no one really ‘knows’ anyone else.
What do you think? Are we developing a culture of openness, or of social ineptitude? Are sites like Twitter and Facebook good or bad? I’d love to hear your thoughts.Â
About the author: Scarlett de Courcier – is Publisher Manager at Unruly Media, and  is known among colleagues as the ‘social media junkie’. In addition she is Acting Research Assistant at Oxford University . Check her profile on LinkedIn
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{ 3 comments }
I think that we are getting gradually more socially inept. Even a few years ago the idea of friendship was still relatively simple: person you meet, talk to and enjoy the company of. Now that definition is being stretched in every way, so that one need not meet, need not talk to and need not even experience the company of a person one might call a friend. Without doing these things we can seize-up and become socio-phobic – just like if we do not practice an instrument we get rusty and then become nervous of playing. It is the immediate nature of conversation and physical congress (by which I mean everything from dancing with to being around someone in a tight space) that can be nerve racking when it is unfamiliar. Afterall “What do I do with my hands?” was a question it took me years of practice to answer. What happens without this practice?
Twitter and Facebook are amazing communication tools… I use them both for personal and professional purposes. Like any communication tool, these cannot be our sole means of socialization. We need a balanced variety of interactions and skills to have well-rounded personalities. I am noticing an epidemic of lop-sided and misshapen personalities in this digital age… no doubt this scourge is brought on by the alluring ease and perceived safety of digital relationship. Does anyone sense a new socio-behavioral diagnosis of psychopathology in the making? Really, it’s not that bad… yet…. Oh, wait… I’ve got to go update my Twitter status…
-James
James – I’d love to see that in the new DSM